Dealing with emotional blackmail
"It's not about you, it's about them" - Dr Liz Walker.
Quoting Dr Susan Forward, Dr Liz Walker defined emotional blackmail in the opening of her lecture: “When people use fear, obligation and guilt to manipulate you.”
Speaking at BSAVA Congress (24 March), Liz insightfully explained what it means to be emotionally blackmailed by veterinary clients, shared short and long-term strategies for dealing with it, and how veterinary professionals can protect themselves from the consequences of emotional blackmail.
As Liz acknowledged, the majority of emotional blackmail from clients is related to money, and the cost of veterinary care. She asked the BSAVA audience to put their hand up if they'd ever been told things such as, 'you only do this to make money', 'if you loved animals you wouldn't want to make money from them' and ''how do you sleep at night?'.
Liz explained that all of these phrases are a form of emotional blackmail, the client is relying on your fear, but that with effective strategies in place – you can protect yourself from the guilt transference.
“If you take one thing from this lecture,” Liz said, “I want you to know that it's not about you, it's about them.”
Sharing a number of strategies for dealing with emotional blackmail as it is happening, Liz explained the importance of recognising and naming the emotional blackmail for what it is, not engaging with the client, keeping out of the client's emotional space and maintaining yours, staying calm and walking away if necessary.
Other short-term strategies Liz shared included getting a witness to the conversation, seeking out colleagues for support, clearly explaining your position and the cost of veterinary care, being assertive, and writing everything down – in case the client decides to push the incident any further.
Whilst coping strategies are important in the moment, Liz explained, they need to be supported by long-term strategies, both personally and as a practice. These include having a clear-cut strategy for dealing with incidences of emotional blackmail as a practice, setting boundaries on how much you engage with client's emotional space and ensuring that your practice has proactive policies for handling abusive clients.
She also suggested that everyone in the practice should be aligned on the cost of veterinary care, and stressed the importance of not undermining colleagues in front of clients, as well as not engaging with bad social media.
In incidences of abuse and emotional blackmail: “do not hold on to bad clients at the cost of of the mental and emotional wellbeing of your staff,” said Liz.
Explaining ways to protect yourself from the emotional toll and consequences of emotional blackmail, Liz told delegates of the importance of identifying their emotional triggers, and recognising what makes them vulnerable, so their fear cannot be weaponised against them.
Other ways to protect yourself from the consequences include having an outlet, having a life outside of the consult room, reaching out to people who understand, and learning to take a break when necessary.
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